Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Big Five personality traits ...

Today I was just searching on the pshychology of single children :) because I wanted to know more about myself as usual. While doing that I came across an interesting thing probably some of those of you would have came across this thing. Its called the Big Five Personality traits. These 5 - which I am going to describe below - are the big five measurable personality elements. They are these Openness, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism (can be remembered as OCEAN) It was quite interesting to know these things were considered to be measurable traits. I am quoting wikipedia below.

The Big Five factors and their constituent traits can be summarized as follows:
Openness – (inventive/curious vs. consistent/cautious). Appreciation for art, emotion, adventure, unusual ideas, curiosity, and variety of experience.
Conscientiousness – (efficient/organized vs. easy-going/careless). A tendency to show self-discipline, act dutifully, and aim for achievement; planned rather than spontaneous behavior.
Extraversion – (outgoing/energetic vs. shy/reserved). Energy, positive emotions, surgency, and the tendency to seek stimulation in the company of others.
Agreeableness – (friendly/compassionate vs. cold/unkind). A tendency to be compassionate and cooperative rather than suspicious and antagonistic towards others.
Neuroticism – (sensitive/nervous vs. secure/confident). A tendency to experience unpleasant emotions easily, such as anger, anxiety, depression, or vulnerability.

When I think about it I think I am iventive/curious, efficient/organized, outgoing/energetic, friendly/compassionate, sensitive/nervous. Except for extraversion which for me is very mood specific I think I am sure about the other traits. Its interesting to figure out what you are. But again like duffy says (see my earlier blog 'Instant Life coach') don't let your perception of yourself affect the impressions you make on others.


Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Instant Life Coach...

Today morning I have come across a magazine in which the singer Duffy - if you don't know her; she is a welsh singer aged 26 who shot to fame for her wonderful song Mercy and recently released her second album 'Endlessly'. - gave an interview to a reporter in the magazine. After the interview she bothered to share her wisdom on fear to the magazine as well. It caught my attention and it actually tells not all celebrities are just blown balloons.
She had 3 points to share, below are they. In her own words and then my pennies

Cause and Effect
"If you are a 'cause' in your life this means you create the existence that you want and control your own destiny. If you are an 'effect' you become a victim of circumstances. Try taking back the responsibility of all the good and bad things, make active decisions and allow yourself no excuses"

Isn't that a great way of saying how to live life, the use of the words cause and effect has been so good. 'allow yourself no excuse' even when your life is an effect. Just wonderful.

Perception is projection
"What you perceive inside is what you project outside so put forward the best image of yourself. Also cease to assume that in certain situations you always behave in the same way. For instance 'i always get nervous when I meet new people'".

Again that's one thing I have recently started noticing in people, there are many people who just let their attitude take care of their attitude itself. :) Such people always tell that 'I am like that, Can't help it' that's exactly she is trying to tell here. People assume always they are like that, where as in reality they can be different. Such perception/assumptions you have on yourself is the one thing which is actually not letting you grow out of the mould you have put yourself in. Such assumptions are not good, and one day you would feel, you are a slave of the cage your attitude and assumptions built around you.

You have all the resources
"Although you may not know it, you really do have all the tools you need to overcome fear and get more or less what you want. Look at what you have achieved rather than what you haven't and reassure yourself that you are more than capable. And always see solutions rather than problems."

Some thing which I have learnt myself. People who trust in god rather feel comfy about the experiences life is giving you and look forward with hope.

Have a nice day!

Sunday, November 14, 2010


Some one somewhere said relation ship is one kind of a ship which sails across the ocean of life. I used to wonder how can you manage more than one such ship in the life. Whoever said that may or may not have thought about that. When we try to keep the life calm we forget that we have forgot to sail some relationships across. One friend of mine reminded me when we try to sail many relationships be it be lovers or friends whom we give emotional support, at some point of time we would feel we cant take control of ourself. Probably thats true. As the blog title says I am a dreamer and imagine life to be a dream wherein I make all those who need me happy. But however its not as realistic as i thought.

I have met so many people in my life, I have been in love couple of times, I have a handful of really good friends, i think i have enjoyed the bitter sweet moments in relationships. I have realized some things - reinvented - the worst war fought in this world happens inside human heart/mind whatever you call it. And the worst pain i would say is being lonely, being ignored, being avoided, living without hope and love and feeling helpless in front of life. Every one in this world would do almost everything to avoid this pain, they would be selfish, they would kill people, they hurt people thinking that they can get back some hope. But our little mind is like a small small chick, it would be always in hunger for love. Another friend of mine recently told me that friends are part of life but not life. But is there anything in this world which is complete without its parts.

Ok forget all that… today my father was asking me to create a profile in one of the matrimony sites. Yes if it has to be done some day then there is no point in keeping it for long time. But I could fill up only till the last page where it asked me about my self and the expectations. yes i have pressed Command+W. Weird i don't think i can ever do this, its so overwhelming. I feel so awkward to put myself on display like a shirt on a mannequin, i wish i could find my partner without have to undergo this thing. I don't think some one can understand me seeing my picture and my expectations. Its bull shit, but there is nothing else can be done. This part of my life has to come from one website i think. Let me see when my profile shows up there! First response will be special. :) lol

Friday, September 3, 2010

Being Human...

There are some mixed emotions inside my mind. I am confused, some of them makes me tender, some of them makes me worried, some of them makes me confused and some of them just makes me weak. Still no clarity on what it is. But all in all it reassures that nothing is in your hand. Time to turn back to God. Again because of the mixed sentiments I don't know what to do with God either. So I think I will just submit myself to him. 

Do you realize or have experienced the feeling when you just want to pamper some one? Say for example a dog, a cute puppy, you wouldn't get anything except an innocent look from it, but it would just makes your heart tender. Not everyone would have felt that or even would be able to understand what I am trying to say here. Right now I have that feeling trying to get out of my mind. But I am not having a medium to vent it out through.

World has come to a terrible state where you can no longer express a good heart to some one. You would be getting a stare of suspicion instead. I have had that experience many times. Some times you can't be more nice because thats abnormal. I had a conversation with a friend and in her opinion having an arrogant attitude is necessary for a girl else she would be exploited for her niceness. I could not agree to that, being nice doesn't mean that you have to be with out common sense and open to exploitation and misinterpretation. How many of you would smile at some one if he/she smiles at you? Even if you did smile back I am one hundred percent sure that it would be with a question mark on your face. 

I just hope the world would one day realize the value of a genuine smile and a nice deed. A genuine smile could bring a person happiness. Why don't you just start smiling at every one you see. Even with out any genuine feelings if you could bring happiness in some one especially a stranger happiness for a day or a moment by a simple smile, I guess it values so much more to God than the rituals.

What most people fails to understand is what is God's expectation out of you. Is it being a vegan, is it sacrificing a meal or is it doing some rituals which do not make much sense to anyone? I assume his expectation would be to be a good human being, if rituals helps you become one, do that; else don't do it. Being nice to a fellow human being is so much greater than offering something to God.


Friday, July 30, 2010

Gandhigiri ....

I am on the train to Stevenage to visit my uncle and family over the weekend. I have about fifteen minute to write something here. What do I write, most of the time I have been writing what comes to my mind and this time nothing much comes to my mind.

My manager today spoke to me from India he is the head of railway projects in my company. I am not dissecting him here but I am so far happy about him, given that he fixes the damn payroll problem with HR. If you follow me on Facebook you would know how irritated I was about that. From childhood I have been like that unfair deeds always upsets me, if I can't fight I used to cry. Even a small unfair judgement of me would crunch my heart. Even those comments from those I should not mind I take to heart. Someone who understand me passes a true criticism I can take it. If you criticise me it should better be correct other wise you would end up hurting me.

On the other hand I am very much self motivated and self propelled ;) I am that one whom a manager can trust and confide on. It doesn't take much for a manager to motivate me also just treat me fair I would always exceed his expectation.

This HR incident shook me yesterday but I know I shouldn't let this take over my motivation and my goals should be long term. I have a friend who says he would go to court for all these issues. He sees all these with such a spirit. If you are dissatisfied with a company you should not continue. The feeling of working for a company you don't trust will not give you happiness any day. Otherwise you should learn to move on and work on long term goals. I really don't appreciate fighting with manager for rating and money. I mean what the purpose. That's the time you should just quit. If you feel you are mistreated. Or else ignore it and prove that you are worthier than he thought. I follow Gandhigiri on all these matters!!

Monday, June 7, 2010

Fashion Nazi...

No I am not going to write about Day 2 and Day 3 in wales. Its not because they were bad or because I don't have anything to write about. Its just that, I feel bored to write something which I would rather just talk out. It was not like the cold play music concert I have gone 2 years back. It was never that exciting. But standing on top of Great Ormes in Holy head Wales, is like standing at the edge of the world. I have got reminded of Pirates of the Caribbean- at worlds end; many times that day :)

I have been just thinking of how fashionable the Londoners are! They are indeed very fashionable, I am not talking about East or South London. Europeans looks very natural when they dress up, and they are very comfortable with what they wear. I think that's what makes them look naturally casual and cool. I have spent time in Oxford street just looking at the way people dress. Some people dress weird, but more than dress some people have real punk hair styles and piercing.

I have been feeling very odd to wear sneakers out side. If you observe, Indians have taken so much interest in wearing sneakers (running shoes, sports shoes, trainers) into the streets. I guess the shoes brands Nike, Adidas, Reebok and Puma are making the crowd stick on to their sneakers rather than growing to the casual shoes like Sketchers or Clark's. I am happy to see that Tennis Shoes and plimsolls are picking up the speed. Although tennis shoes are called so I don't think any one really play tennis in tennis shoes. That's one thing people are picking up fast and which is still cool in west. Unfortunately none of the plimsolls fit my feet. Thumb rule is that no one wear Sneakers unless they are jogging or on the way to gym. OK I don't want to sound like a fashion Nazi or anything, I think I have been following GQ magazine so close.

So wearing a sneaker to the London street was so so weird that I was forced to buy a boot. I even identify Indians by checking their shoes - I don't need a shoe to find that but with shoe alone I can find that. I found it rather difficult to blend in with the European crowd than the American crowd. It could be the way their skin tone and hair colour match so perfectly with their dressing and the way they carry themselves, I always find blond and red head people have the absolute power to look cool just by having a little hair gel. If you have got a good tattoo with red, green and black; it just multiplies the look by 2 folds.

I have been having this thought of getting a tattoo for long time, but I don't think any one in my family would appreciate that :) I had a small argument with my friend about that, according to her I don't have to mind other people's opinion when its not going to affect them. If it is going to make me happy and my decision is not going to affect any one I shall go ahead and do it. That was her point. I liked that also. But how many people would find it cool, how many people would take it as a medium to prejudice me (i cant cope up with current) yes the tattoos conveys the boldness which makes the person go and get a tattoo overcoming these thoughts. So I think I don't deserve a tattoo as these thoughts are haunting me whenever I think about it. Also the tattoo I would have loved to have is a dragon tattoo, which will have religious implications as well. I don't want to have that anyway. So for the time being tattoo is taboo. May be when I have a gal and if she likes it, I will do it. :D

Ciao now!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Day 1 ....

To be honest I really don't enjoy anything these days... I am trying to find out what exactly I am in need of. Is it medication? or is it some body of something I am longing for?. I have no clue. Anyway when my best buddy asked me to plan a trip to wales I took interest in that only because she is one of the things which still makes me happy. As I have wrote down in the previous post I have made an extensive plan, there have been dynamic changes to that which were not unexpected, I am happy that we have decided not to go to climbing and try to utilise that time for some other splendid sights in North Wales.

The day started dull as the underground stations were going on a maintenance shutdown (at my station) which made my trip slow by 45 min and I had to go by bus to another station Which led me to the disaster I want to forget. while waiting in the unfamiliar station I just thought to check something in my camera bag, I didn't take out anything just opened the bag and looked for a strap, mean time the train came and I stood up!!! Damn! My Nikon D80 with 18-200mm VR lens (those who doesn't know how important that's to me - both of them together cost me 2000 USD 2 years back) fell out of the bag (thank god my 105mm micro stayed in the bag other wise another 800USD also would have gone for a toss) to the concrete floor of the station. Later figured out since the optics were solidly built - thanks to the metal barrel Nikon has put - didn't suffer much. But the focusing mechanism is not fully functional :( and fortunately the body is also OK. When I am writing this I am trying to see the positive side of it, I didn't wreck the lens and camera at least not to an extend that I was not able to take any pictures in the trip.

Though the trip started with a bang - I am telling you I was so moody and still moody because of this bang on my head, still some thing keeps yelling at me 'stupid stupid stupid' - my mood took a upturn when I got a look at the train I am going to travel from London Euston to Wellington Bank Quay (final destination was Glasgow in Scotland for the train) it was really like a snake, a state of the art train from Virgin Train fleet (Class 390 Pendolino). The huge lettering on the engine which said Virgin made it sexier to look at. It had a real sharp nose and the doors and all were touch sensitive and the door step flips out ward when the door opens etc etc.

After taking a change at Bank Quay to Arriva Trains Wales (I was not happy to part with Virgin though) finally I have reached our rendezvous point Chester. Where I have booked for an intermediate car from Europcar, which was cheap compared to Avis, but that came with a lot of sacrifice on time. The car I have booked for was a skoda octavia 1.6 or similar, the one I got was Vauxhall 1.8 which is more like van than a sedan. She gave me a GPS which didn't have a holder for which I had to go back (from the car park) to get another one. Then I had set off the journey to the station for which I have taken at least 3 wrong turns even with a GPS which was not healthy at all. But even then I didn't realise the speaker of the GPS is not working. Then I picked up my friends and tried to find a restaurant, that's when it really got on to my nerves. Until then I didn't have a round about to handle. I can take care of the round about only if some one says which exit (first, second, third or fourth exit from round about) I have to take. That's when I realised a GPS with out sound is utterly useless. I have been driving round to match the exit the GPS is showing me to take instead of telling me; believe me the picture will be legible only when you miss the one you are supposed to take, it never works unless you have the sound. So I have gone back to the old lady at the rental place to get a replacement. So with all these thing I have lost 2 hours at Chester. Strike 2

These two experiences and the rain in Chester didn't give me a good feeling. Then we head off to the Coernarfon - god knows how to spell it in Welsh - we have had our own welsh experience with words spelled worse than the volcano in Iceland. Trying to read out the words (which uses the same alphabet as English) indeed gave us good laugh. With little difficulty we arrived at our Welsh home (Bed and Breakfast) which was indeed very appealing and beautiful and absolutely value for money 65£ pr night for 2 people sharing room with a 5* hotel facilities and Welsh Break fast (Bacon, Sausage, Mushrooms, Scrambled egg and Tomato).

First day was more of settling down and everything. Still I could feel myself mourning for my lens. But may be it was time for me to get another lens. Since I do not have any problem in the lower zoom area I think I can live with this for now. And later I may get a longer lens like 70-300mm which would give me more range and would cover the lost range of my 18-200mm.

Rest of the trip was great fun and if I am about to write about that it would take lot of space. But I think I will write something from the trip later. Cheers guys!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Life with out google maps...

I was thinking today 'how life would have been with out google maps?'

Google maps was one of the coolest things this decade has presented us, you can't imagine how it made the life easier for people who are abroad - India is getting there - This weekend I am planning a trip to wales, Which is on the east coast of UK. I was asked to make a plan for 3 days, with 3 people coming from 3 different places at 3 different times. It would be an easy task if the rendezvous was a place where at least one of them have ever been to. Unfortunately all 3 of us have been to UK first time and going to wales first time and I am the only person who can drive. How would it have gone with out google maps. I have no clue, I am not even bothered to think how it would have been, because google maps is something I take for granted. Even with a GPS - which existed before google maps - people can only navigate to a place, you can never plan a trip with it. Again with regular maps, you can only speculate the distance - unless you have a ruler, which at least gives you a point to point distance.

In my case I needed 4 points to consider a meeting point accessible for 3 groups, with the cheapest train ticket possible, with a car rental rates moderate and nearer to the place of stay. This was only one of the things which needed attention. For this I had to find the driving distance, train travel time and the rates to consider. Which wouldn't have been possible if google maps was not there.

Second thing was to identify an region in which we have to stay which is nearer to the rendezvous point - which is as well as the point from where we are going to depart at the end of trip - again as the wales is a hilly terrain, distance will not give us how much time it would take to reach there. Again google maps. So after making 5 calls to different bed and break fast stays - which is similar to home stay in Kerala - I found a place to stay.

Third which I had to do it in parallel with all the above things was to identify the hour by hour plans on when to get up, where to go, how much time we have there, when to get back to bed. Even before I narrowed down the place of stay I have found out 3 places which is around 3 hours travel time from anywhere in the area I was looking accommodation for.

Fourth is again narrowing down on the places which we should not miss, how can I be sure about that, only with the google earth and google street view. With which I could find severel palaces where we could have breathtaking view of wales (touch wood) How much a website or travel information can provide to a person who is driving up to all places first time. Its not like going to see Taj Mahal, which is up there and you can go there and see it. As far as a trip to wales and Snowdonia national park is considered there is no well defined point a person can go and see. This is where you need to see photos posted by other travellers and find out where exactly it is and finding out how I can reach there.

Now we have a plan well laid, unless the speculated rain spoils our whole trip its going to be beautiful. Thanks to Google Maps. Also thanks to my friends who didn't interfere much with my plan so far. :) Imagine I had to handle 5 people who has different opinions on everything. Opinions never hurt but that doesn't help much as well. At least once in life you make a plan for your friends and find out how it goes. I am not talking about a movie plan here. Some thing more than that. Only then you understand how difficult it is as well as how easy it is to stay back and enjoy the trip when some one has made the plan for you. Isn't the life is about finding out that plan which god hasn't revealed to you yet?

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

You know that I could use somebody....

I have been in a weird mood for all these days... I have realized that I am getting into my own nerves... Then I heard this song which really reflected on me... I could use somebody... Check the song from one of my recent favorites Kings of Leon.

I've been roaming around, I was looking down at all I see
Painted faces fill the places I can't reach
You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody

Someone like you and all you know and how you speak
Countless lovers under cover of the street
You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you

Off in the night while you live it up I'm off to sleep
Waging wars to shake the poet and the beat
I hope it's gonna make you notice
I hope it's gonna make you notice

Someone like me, someone like me
Someone like me, somebody

I'm ready now, I'm ready now
I'm ready now, I'm ready now
I'm ready now, I'm ready now
I'm ready now

Someone like you, somebody
Someone like you, somebody
Someone like you, somebody
I've been roaming around, I was looking down at all I see

---- Some body by Kings of Leon

Video for the same is here

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Palm Sunday ...

Wish you all a happy palm Sunday.
After coming to London I didn't try to find a church where I can go for mass. Today being palm Sunday I have taken some effort to go to church. So got ready and packed my camera and set for st.pauls cathedral, didn't want to go anything smaller than the cathedral itself as it's my first visit to a church in london. I reached there as per plan twelve o'clock noon. There was supposed to be one service that time. But I saw the ending of the previous mass only. The cathedral was humongous, and that's where all the royal ceremonies including prince Charles's both wedding and everything happened. The church had huge wind pipes for the piano that too sterio both sides of the church had different set of vents and all. I don't know how it works but it was really amazing to hear to the music it produced.

After collecting palm I stepped out thinking about taking some pics. But unfortunately I realized that I have left the memory card at home. I was really pissed not only because of not able to take pics but also for the weight of unusable equipment I need to carry all the way.

Later I thought I would catch a movie at leciester square odeon. But both the movies I wanted to see were not running anywhere near. I wanted to see shutter island or up in the air. But I managed to see paparazzi waiting at the theatre for some celebs. It was an interesting scene. Around ten photographers with one or more high end cameras and power pack and flashes etc. They took snaps of some people I didn't recognise. First time seeing flood of flash lights like that :)

After that I walked towards Soho thinking to see some babes from any of the clubs there. Unfortunately that also siding materialize, either I didn't know where to go or I was just unlucky again. So I ended up again in oxford street. Till now have been looking for a shoe and didn't get lucky. I have a weird shaped feet which doesn't fit into any of the plimsole shoes I want to buy. I am so damn tired and sipping a coffee inside debenhams now. Will leave soon to home but only after a margarita!

Sent from my iPhone

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Blogging from phone experience...

Ok so you might have understood that I have got a high end phone which makes me blog on the go. :) yes it's pretty cool.

Life in London seems to be boring so far. My idea was to have fun as far as I can. Now my stay here became uncertain. Thanks to the clients idea of opening their office in India and send me there. I am actually not mad about that if I get atleast three months here. I just want to see some places here. My agenda of being here ends by that.

I will keep you posted

Sent from my iPhone

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Impressing ourself...

Have you realized most of the time you are trying hard to impress no one but yourself. That is this part which takes the most effort. Because the mind of our own, set a difficult benchmark for yourself most of the time. This may sound as crazy as it sounds. But let me tell you one thing, haven't you heard an inner voice which keep saying (in my case) I should have behaved better, I was wrong, I need to improve etc etc. You may try to reflect this voice and fail that's when (in Green day's opinion) your mind breaks the spirit of our soul. Yes this is a very voluntary activity. But i happen to participate this breaking part most of the time.

This is a nice song; thought i would share it... it reflects my mind right now (please don't mistake it with love, but yes its about expectations in my case)

21 Guns by Green Day

Do you know what's worth fighting for?
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away
And you feel yourself suffocating?

Does the pain weigh out the pride?
And you look for a place to hide?
Did someone break your heart inside?
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I

When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul

Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I

Did you try to live on your own
When you burned down the house and home?
Did you stand too close to the fire
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone?

When it's time to live and let die
And you can't get another try
Something inside this heart has died
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I