Fools Die...

I have taken the title of this blog from that of the book 'Fools Die' by Puzo. It was a different book compared to his other popular books. This book is his own personal favorite, when you read it, you will see Puzo in a different dimension, as a person who had lot more to say. The book is about the life of Merlin, who try to see magic in life.

When I read the book though I realized what Puzo was trying to tell, some recent events in life around me has made me realize that certain things can't be fixed. Acceptance of things are very difficult, it's still difficult to me. I used to deal with those things with philosophy and spirituality. Most of the times we try to see life with an attitude, when it throw shit at you; but I feel helpless at sometimes and I see life with a measured respectful smile, because thats what it deserves. I think life has to be dealt with the cleverness of a poker player, you should prove yourself to be cleverer for the tricks life is trying to play with you by being prepared and never to be caught off guard. Keep your eyes open, let your wisdom guide you, and judge and learn from every thing around you.

Leave about the fools and how dramatic life can be. Lets talk philosophy. Don't you agree 'Refusal to think is the worst sin'.So I have become a fan of 'Objectivism' of Ayn Rand. She says 'My philosophy, in essence, is the concept of man as a heroic being, with his own happiness as the moral purpose of his life, with productive achievement as his noblest activity, and reason as his only absolute.' I agree to that completely. I sound selfish don't I, yes thats the whole point. Read along in her own words quoted from here

1. Reality exists as an objective absolute—facts are facts, independent of man’s feelings, wishes, hopes or fears.
2. Reason (the faculty which identifies and integrates the material provided by man’s senses) is man’s only means of perceiving reality, his only source of knowledge, his only guide to action, and his basic means of survival.
3. Man—every man—is an end in himself, not the means to the ends of others. He must exist for his own sake, neither sacrificing himself to others nor sacrificing others to himself. The pursuit of his own rational self-interest and of his own happiness is the highest moral purpose of his life.
4. The ideal political-economic system is laissez-faire capitalism. It is a system where men deal with one another, not as victims and executioners, nor as masters and slaves, but as traders, by free, voluntary exchange to mutual benefit. It is a system where no man may obtain any values from others by resorting to physical force, and no man may initiate the use of physical force against others. The government acts only as a policeman that protects man’s rights; it uses physical force only in retaliation and only against those who initiate its use, such as criminals or foreign invaders. In a system of full capitalism, there should be (but, historically, has not yet been) a complete separation of state and economics, in the same way and for the same reasons as the separation of state and church.

Be reasonable and accountable for everything. And you will be able to find happiness just for being that way. I hope. I want to be called 'A reasonable honest man' when I die. 

Unreasonableness..

Its been quite a while since I have blogged. I was carried away by work and some other things. Then I got a break this weekend in the shape of a long weekend. we had planned to go to Bournemouth beach and some other places around in Dorset. It was a nice experience to plan and execute a trip with 17 people with 17 opinions. I can not completely say I enjoyed executing it, but it was a different experience. But it was sad to realize that there are still people who are not willing to do some compromises for a group cause. When the group is so big we tend to loose a lot of time in waiting for others to be ready. Here also same thing happened many times, be it for getting up, or going out, or having food, people gets scattered all around and they never come back. I realised that respect for time is the most abused thing in these days. Every day we had lost at the least 4-5 hours of good time because of this I think. I was comparing this trip with the Isle of Wight and Wales trip which I planned and executed. They went on excellent because it was smaller group with 4-5 people and they were ready to stick to the plans. 

Most of the time I found myself alone for the some reason. Its not because they didn't like me (I guess) some people still thanked me for making the trip wonderful. But some didn't. Even some people I wished say thanks didn't do that. I am not a saint (yet) not to expect anything. I decided to take that responsibility because I kind of realised no one would do that and to make it good for every one including me, I need to do something. I would still do it but why I want to point this is because gratitude is one thing which is disappearing so fast from the world around me. People think a lot about or don't think at all about saying a thanks or a sorry. Some used to say they are the words which are abused so much. But now they are not used at all to be abused of. Love is always over rated and gratitude was always underrated. I kind of wish the people who are not punctual or make other people suffer say a sorry even if its without meaning sorry, it would make the person who waited or suffered gain back little self respect. It amuses me to realize how selfish people have become. Last week I asked my friend to say sorry to me and tried to explain even to a friend it matters a lot. I think I lost a friend because of that. Its such a pity that relations comes down to dust over ego. Some may argue that even I was egotist by asking for sorry. I would say I was trying to get back my hurt self respect, if I couldn't explain that to my friend then how could the world. It was for a silly thing anyway. Without respect for me or care for my self respect how can some one be my friend. The difference between ego and self respect in my opinion is that the later one is reasonable. Unreasonable people are either dumb or ignorant; or vice versa.. You can't just talk to them. Hopefully there is a reason why they are like that. but as Karl Marx said “Reason has always existed, but not always in a reasonable form.”

My humble request to all the readers is that; be reasonable for every action. Say thanks and sorry abundantly. It can change the world around you amazingly. "What goes around come around". 

"Reasonable people adapt themselves to the world. Unreasonable people attempt to adapt the world to themselves. All progress, therefore, depends on unreasonable people.” - George Bernard Shaw

Paranoia...

I am really stressed… for different reasons. And I am not sure how long I can stand this before I turn stone cold again like sometime back. It was not long ago I have become very selfish person and never bothered about any one, may be an year and a half before. Thats when I realized I am just being exploited for being nice and considerate, I was in the middle of mean people. Luckily I have escaped from there to London where i have started thinking again and put God back into where he belonged and I became a sensitive person again.

There is a pressure to get married, its not actually a pressure from others. The pressure is within myself. I am really desperate for a companion and thats one side and on the other hand finding one is a gamble. Being a fare and reasonable person who doesn't like to judge people; I don't like to reject anyone or getting rejected by anyone. Unfortunately both happened during and after the vacation period. This was a blow to my ego. All the my insecurities were hidden behind a wall of hypocrisy which I built to protect myself from excessive humility, and that wall was shattered when my honesty was not taken at face value. I wish I could meet some one (again?) and let that person understand me and marry me instead of this brutal game. I some how feel pity for myself and for all the gals (parents) looking for a groom. I really wish we could adopt the western culture here. At least the concept of blind dating. Its more respectable than what I am going through.

Another pressure is to choose between two rights. Possessive friends can be a trouble and they don't trust you and at the same time they don't want to let you go. They just get hurt and get angry for more or less everything. I pity possessive people because they are very insecure people. Was I possessive? I never know, because whomever I have expected from in this life has given me what I expected. I have got over with possessiveness because my expectation from others have just came down to a mere smile or an ear for sometime. Seriously I have not possessed any one for a long time now. I never had to be exact. A matured relation never would have possessiveness to trouble it. It just spoils the moments which would have brought smiles.

I love reading dramatic novels which involves great family stories over generations, like the book I am reading right now Ken Follett's A Dangerous Fortune. These novels gives me a perspective which makes me thoughtful. How difficult it is to have a close knitted family? By a family I mean not just those who live under a roof. I find it very difficult to build a team of 5 people to work in harmony. But still they have a common goal which is a good product delivery and a salary which they get paid for delivering a product. At least that goal makes them achieve something as a team. But in a family mostly people lack a common goal. I wonder why it is like that. I really struggle sometimes to make my cousins understand how much i value them. Some do understand that without saying and some don't care at all. Its very difficult to break the shell and make them believe that I am also a well wisher. I just wish at least in a family every one looked up to every one for everything and trusted and leaned on shoulders of each other. People tend to be more and more protective of themselves and I wonder why and from what! People fear to say things about themselves, I am alarmingly candid and I like people to see through me. I worry either about why I am like this or why others are not like me

These are making me paranoid. 

"When there's an elephant in the room introduce him." — Randy Pausch

Big Five personality traits ...

Today I was just searching on the pshychology of single children :) because I wanted to know more about myself as usual. While doing that I came across an interesting thing probably some of those of you would have came across this thing. Its called the Big Five Personality traits. These 5 - which I am going to describe below - are the big five measurable personality elements. They are these Openness, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism (can be remembered as OCEAN) It was quite interesting to know these things were considered to be measurable traits. I am quoting wikipedia below.

The Big Five factors and their constituent traits can be summarized as follows:

Openness – (inventive/curious vs. consistent/cautious). Appreciation for art, emotion, adventure, unusual ideas, curiosity, and variety of experience.

Conscientiousness – (efficient/organized vs. easy-going/careless). A tendency to show self-discipline, act dutifully, and aim for achievement; planned rather than spontaneous behavior.

Extraversion – (outgoing/energetic vs. shy/reserved). Energy, positive emotions, surgency, and the tendency to seek stimulation in the company of others.

Agreeableness – (friendly/compassionate vs. cold/unkind). A tendency to be compassionate and cooperative rather than suspicious and antagonistic towards others.

Neuroticism – (sensitive/nervous vs. secure/confident). A tendency to experience unpleasant emotions easily, such as anger, anxiety, depression, or vulnerability.

When I think about it I think I am iventive/curious, efficient/organized, outgoing/energetic, friendly/compassionate, sensitive/nervous. Except for extraversion which for me is very mood specific I think I am sure about the other traits. Its interesting to figure out what you are. But again like duffy says (see my earlier blog 'Instant Life coach') don't let your perception of yourself affect the impressions you make on others.

Cheers!

Instant Life Coach...

Today morning I have come across a magazine in which the singer Duffy - if you don't know her; she is a welsh singer aged 26 who shot to fame for her wonderful song Mercy and recently released her second album 'Endlessly'. - gave an interview to a reporter in the magazine. After the interview she bothered to share her wisdom on fear to the magazine as well. It caught my attention and it actually tells not all celebrities are just blown balloons.

She had 3 points to share, below are they. In her own words and then my pennies

Cause and Effect

"If you are a 'cause' in your life this means you create the existence that you want and control your own destiny. If you are an 'effect' you become a victim of circumstances. Try taking back the responsibility of all the good and bad things, make active decisions and allow yourself no excuses"

Isn't that a great way of saying how to live life, the use of the words cause and effect has been so good. 'allow yourself no excuse' even when your life is an effect. Just wonderful.

Perception is projection

"What you perceive inside is what you project outside so put forward the best image of yourself. Also cease to assume that in certain situations you always behave in the same way. For instance 'i always get nervous when I meet new people'".

Again that's one thing I have recently started noticing in people, there are many people who just let their attitude take care of their attitude itself. :) Such people always tell that 'I am like that, Can't help it' that's exactly she is trying to tell here. People assume always they are like that, where as in reality they can be different. Such perception/assumptions you have on yourself is the one thing which is actually not letting you grow out of the mould you have put yourself in. Such assumptions are not good, and one day you would feel, you are a slave of the cage your attitude and assumptions built around you.

You have all the resources

"Although you may not know it, you really do have all the tools you need to overcome fear and get more or less what you want. Look at what you have achieved rather than what you haven't and reassure yourself that you are more than capable. And always see solutions rather than problems."

Some thing which I have learnt myself. People who trust in god rather feel comfy about the experiences life is giving you and look forward with hope.

Have a nice day!

Relationships...

Some one somewhere said relation ship is one kind of a ship which sails across the ocean of life. I used to wonder how can you manage more than one such ship in the life. Whoever said that may or may not have thought about that. When we try to keep the life calm we forget that we have forgot to sail some relationships across. One friend of mine reminded me when we try to sail many relationships be it be lovers or friends whom we give emotional support, at some point of time we would feel we cant take control of ourself. Probably thats true. As the blog title says I am a dreamer and imagine life to be a dream wherein I make all those who need me happy. But however its not as realistic as i thought.

I have met so many people in my life, I have been in love couple of times, I have a handful of really good friends, i think i have enjoyed the bitter sweet moments in relationships. I have realized some things - reinvented - the worst war fought in this world happens inside human heart/mind whatever you call it. And the worst pain i would say is being lonely, being ignored, being avoided, living without hope and love and feeling helpless in front of life. Every one in this world would do almost everything to avoid this pain, they would be selfish, they would kill people, they hurt people thinking that they can get back some hope. But our little mind is like a small small chick, it would be always in hunger for love. Another friend of mine recently told me that friends are part of life but not life. But is there anything in this world which is complete without its parts.

Ok forget all that… today my father was asking me to create a profile in one of the matrimony sites. Yes if it has to be done some day then there is no point in keeping it for long time. But I could fill up only till the last page where it asked me about my self and the expectations. yes i have pressed Command+W. Weird i don't think i can ever do this, its so overwhelming. I feel so awkward to put myself on display like a shirt on a mannequin, i wish i could find my partner without have to undergo this thing. I don't think some one can understand me seeing my picture and my expectations. Its bull shit, but there is nothing else can be done. This part of my life has to come from one website i think. Let me see when my profile shows up there! First response will be special. :) lol

Being Human...

There are some mixed emotions inside my mind. I am confused, some of them makes me tender, some of them makes me worried, some of them makes me confused and some of them just makes me weak. Still no clarity on what it is. But all in all it reassures that nothing is in your hand. Time to turn back to God. Again because of the mixed sentiments I don't know what to do with God either. So I think I will just submit myself to him. 

Do you realize or have experienced the feeling when you just want to pamper some one? Say for example a dog, a cute puppy, you wouldn't get anything except an innocent look from it, but it would just makes your heart tender. Not everyone would have felt that or even would be able to understand what I am trying to say here. Right now I have that feeling trying to get out of my mind. But I am not having a medium to vent it out through.

World has come to a terrible state where you can no longer express a good heart to some one. You would be getting a stare of suspicion instead. I have had that experience many times. Some times you can't be more nice because thats abnormal. I had a conversation with a friend and in her opinion having an arrogant attitude is necessary for a girl else she would be exploited for her niceness. I could not agree to that, being nice doesn't mean that you have to be with out common sense and open to exploitation and misinterpretation. How many of you would smile at some one if he/she smiles at you? Even if you did smile back I am one hundred percent sure that it would be with a question mark on your face. 

I just hope the world would one day realize the value of a genuine smile and a nice deed. A genuine smile could bring a person happiness. Why don't you just start smiling at every one you see. Even with out any genuine feelings if you could bring happiness in some one especially a stranger happiness for a day or a moment by a simple smile, I guess it values so much more to God than the rituals.

What most people fails to understand is what is God's expectation out of you. Is it being a vegan, is it sacrificing a meal or is it doing some rituals which do not make much sense to anyone? I assume his expectation would be to be a good human being, if rituals helps you become one, do that; else don't do it. Being nice to a fellow human being is so much greater than offering something to God.

Cheers.